Signals of approachability

By the time he has come up to you and said,'Fancy a drink' he might be thinking the whole thing was his ingenious idea, but this might not always be the case. Psychologist Monica Moore, has spent more than 3,000 hours observing the flirting behaviour of women in various contexts. According to Moore, not only did women initiate the flirting encounters two-thirds of the time but they used non-verbal communication, leaving men to believe that they were the ones who started it. Not only that, the women who were the most successful, were the ones who sent the most signals. Says Moore, “Those who displayed more than 35 displays per hour elicited greater than four approaches per hour.” She also notes, “The more variety the woman used in her techniques, the more likely she was to be successful.” It seems these days, men are less concerned about the golden .7, hip-waist ratio, and more concerned with who is least likely to reject their advances.

I found similar results about the importance of approachability signals in my research, comparing the flirting habits of singles in six, Western European and North American cities. When asked the question, “What makes you want to flirt with someone?” The most common responses for London males were ‘smiles’ and ‘she looks approachable’.
London males stressed that looks were important (although their answer as to what is attractive varied considerably) but they also were quick to emphasize that looks alone weren’t enough. As Alex, 30, said, “I’m not going to flirt with someone just because she has a great body or is a great dresser”.

The danger in conforming to evolutionary psychologies well-worn theories, which dictate a woman’s best means in attracting a man is her physical attractiveness and for men, his power and money, gives people an unnecessary sense of helplessness, one that the advertising industry is more than happy to exploit. In the end, if your skin is not always spot-free (another indicator of evolutionary psychology to aid in mate selection) or you don’t pull in a six-figure salary, does not mean that there’s no hope for finding a worthy partner. It seems that showing signals of approachability is a much more important catalyst for attraction.