The social order of things-Dublin Style

The Irish combination of camaraderie, jovial spirits and large groups, produced a unique flirting phenomenon. When it came to chatting up women, one member would defer to other group members in a hierarchical-like scale. At first glance I thought they chose the order of hierarchy according to looks, because of the way they referred to each other. For example, a couple guys in one group, at separate times, referred to another member of their group as ‘the handsome’ one. Not only was it the first time that night that they were actually being serious, but it also goes to show if he was the ‘good looking one’, than beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder; especially, if the beholders were two, slightly inebriated, ruddy complected, Irish men.


I noticed this deference again while talking to a guy from a different group. His friend came over to us and was traditionally better looking than the guy I was in conversation with. I thought that this was the reason why the first guy took a visible step away from me, as a sort of ‘offering’ to his friend. (I am not saying I approved, but just what I observed). When comparing notes, my friend said she also noticed a few examples of this behaviour as well.

I never came to any final conclusions that particular night, but six months later, when conducting my Dublin flirting interviews, I was anxious to see if my initial instincts had been correct. Every Irish male I interviewed conferred with me. They all admitted to doing it, but had never actually been consciously aware of it. Although, they said the hierarchy had nothing to do with looks, but more with ‘whose turn it was’. One explained it by saying, “If a friend and I both liked the same girl, it would come down to whose fair dues it was.” They all admitted to ‘taking one for the team’ on occasion, by giving up talking to a girl they liked so their friend could talk with her. As one Irish male interviewee pointed out, the mentality was ‘if one of us wins, we all win.’ And coming from an individualistic, capitalistic society where the mentality is “winner takes all” it was very refreshing. I just hope the effects of the ‘economic tiger’
won’t infiltrate this community flirting attitude.