My specialty is helping people learn how to approach others, which is something we do with vigor on my Friday night Flirting and Walking tours of London. Come on the tour, or have a private session with me, to learn more about this (yes, this is blatant self-promotion, but it is my blog after all. What better place?)
But for now, I would like to discuss the beauty of a graceful exit. Because, what I have come to realize, is that those who are comfortable exiting, are most likely to enter in the first place. In other words, if you know that you can comfortably and easily slide out of a conversation, you are much more likely to slide in.
I am referring mostly to you, lovely ladies, who go to great extremes to avoid being 'rude', by remaining in long conversations, that you have no desire to be in. I was helping out at a friend's singles party the other night and introduced a man and a woman. An hour later, I noticed they were still together. I went over to her and discreetly said, "So, it looks like it's going really well!" She replied "He's okay, not really my type though." When I asked why she hadn't moved on to talk to someone else she said because she didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Hmmm, which scenario would be the most likely to hurt his feelings? a) Have a seemingly interested woman hang around him for the whole party, and then (most likely) give her phone number at the end, and then (most likely) make up some excuse why she can't go out with him when he calls. OR b) After a few minutes of conversation say, "Well, it was really nice meeting you. Enjoy the rest of your evening!"
What some women fail to understand is that men would prefer to hear that the woman is not interested, at the beginning. We shouldn't necessarily assume that they like to be communicated with, the way that we do. As an example, at this same party, another man shared with me that he had been dancing with a woman, and after awhile she said to him,"I am going to get a drink and then, I am not coming back." Now, as women, we would be mortified if someone said this to us, but he thought it was 'absolutely brilliant' (his exact words as I recall).
The moral of the story is that women, your feelings are more important than a complete stranger's. Why would you sacrifice a good evening of socializing, because you are more concerned about the well-being of a random male (who, as it turns out, would prefer your upfront honesty) than your own needs and wants? In case someone takes what I am saying the wrong way, I feel somehow obligated to say stuff like, "But obviously, it's always nice to be nice, etc, etc." But at the end of the day, look after yourself as well!
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2 comments:
i would think that people (and as you say, mostly the 'lovely ladies') go to great extents to avoid being rude only because they tend to get slighted very easily themselves. so it is as important to not carry your ego on your sleeve, or your self worth on your shoe, so as to say. and spoiling a party or two for yourself for the sake of some boring 'loser' is not a bad thing, but if you make it a habit....
From your comment, I have to say how proud I am that such warm-hearted and intelligent people are reading my blogs!
Maybe I went to the other extreme and came across as advocating that women should be completely self-absorbed and only look-out for their own interests. But, this is because, it all too often ends up towards the other extreme, with women not giving their own wants and needs enough credence. There, indeed, needs to be a happy medium between the two.
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