Flirting tips: Use with caution....

The best flirts know how to make people feel good about themselves. This should be the main goal when flirting. It’s all about the other person, which you happen to get back ten-fold. Here are a few ways to be a good flirt:

1) Pay unique and genuine compliments to the other person. The more specific the compliment, the better. A generic “nice eyes” doesn’t have the same effect as “your eyes look amazing in with that shirt. I have never seen them look so green” It’s hard to portray this without seeming cheesy or artificial but, as a general tip, if you think something nice about someone, tell them.

2) Try building rapport with the other person by subtly mimicking their body language, tone of voice, rate of speech, etc. If they are speaking quickly, then you do the same. If they are sitting with their legs crossed, then you do it as well. It makes people feel comfortable when they are with someone who is “like” them.

3) Try to use the person’s name in the conversation. It’s been said the sweetest sound in the world is the sound of one’s own name. A recent article in Psychology today magazine reports people prefer the letters of the alphabet which appear in their own names, especially their first and last initials. Which is more powerful...”Hello” or “Hello Michelle” (assuming the person’s name is Michelle). Also, try to use “we” in your conversation when referring to you and the person you are with. It has the same effect as using their name. It creates a bond much more quickly.

4) Use touch when speaking with someone, but limit it to safe places such as shoulders and arms, and don’t over do it. Studies show waitresses who used touch got higher tips from their customers. Take your cues from the other person. Being comfortable with touch is linked to factors such as culture, family size, and whether someone is an introvert or extrovert, Some people love touch and some are uncomfortable with it. If you pat someone’s arm and they cringe, don’t take it personally. It probably means they aren’t comfortable with it.

5) Use all the approachability signals: open body language, lingering eye contact, and smiles.

6) Keep the conversation light and positive. No one wants to hear about your grandma’s recent hip surgery when you are flirting!

7) Flirting is fun! Don’t look upon flirting as something that you are forced to do, or as a means to an end. Be an agenda-less flirter. Don’t have a goal in mind. If a date or something else happens as a result, then look at it as a bonus. When flirting, everyone wins in the end. The only losers are those who don’t try...

8) Take the “reject” out of rejection. Don’t let someone’s lack of interest, and a stranger at that, affect your self worth. The uninterested party could be a puppy-kicking, axe murderer, and we let them shape our self concept? Don’t forget, the reason someone’s not interested could be purely situational. Maybe they are tired, married, in a bad mood, gay. Their personal circumstances have nothing to do with your fabulous self! And even if they aren’t interested, the next person will be. It’s numbers game. The more shots you take, the higher your percentage of scoring.






© Allureseminars 2007