Are you flipping your hair or suffering from whiplash?

The other night I was hanging out with the 'boys' at my dear friend's birthday party. The last time I had seen the 'boys' was on London's sunny summer day at a picnic in Hyde Park. One of them reminded me that I brought a bag of crisps which they all politely turned down in lieu of carrot sticks. Ah, memories...

At the time of the picnic, which can more accurately be described as them munching carrot sticks and drinking Evian water and me eating, I had just finished my international flirting study. The boys wanted me to ask them some of the questions from my study. Interestingly, their answers were almost identical to those of the heterosexual boys. This made me start to consider that when it comes to men and women getting together, the only thing that stands in the way is the opposite sex!

This thought was confirmed at the party on Saturday, while I sat listening intently to 'flirting tips', being generously doled out by the boys. "Okay Jean, this is one of my favourites. I take out some lip balm and put it on my lips. Then, I say to him 'You look like you might need some too' and then I rub it on his lips. It works every time." Now, as skeptical as I was about this technique working between men and women, knowing this cutie, I bet it works well for him.

But, the problem with using this flirting technique on women, is that it just wouldn't work. In fact, I think that most women would be repulsed if a man they were flirting with did this to them. It all comes down to the different communication styles of men and women. Forgive me for generalizing for a moment, but men are much more direct and obvious in their flirting encounters, while women much prefer subtleties. The gay community has on their side the knowledge of how their gender communicates. There's none of the misinterpretation of a woman batting her eyelashes with the intention of appearing coy and demure and the man assuming she has something in her eye.

That's not to say that some of the issues in the straight community aren't shared in the gay community. One friend would woefully complain that he just couldn't find a boyfriend. He regaled tales of meeting many 'fit' men at various clubs, taking them home, having a wonderful time (I will spare you the details), and them leaving the next morning and never calling again.

I tried to show him that how would any of these men assume that he was looking for a committed relationship, when he met him in the arena of 'quick shag'? People only know what we tell them, so make sure that your message is clear.

And, speaking of messages, it might be easier to get your point across of you are communicating with the same sex but, a little dollop of empathy, mixed with a measure of good listening skills, makes communication with the opposite sex all the more achievable and interesting!